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If any one could check this essay for me ( I'm Vietnamese)

 
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dinhvanthang
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:32 am    Post subject: If any one could check this essay for me ( I'm Vietnamese)

Topic: As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.

What factors contribute to satisfaction?

How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers ?



In today’s rapidly developing society, people are likely to stick their adult lives to a certain job. Consequently, whether people really satisfy with their jobs reflects their fulfiment of lives. Therefore, it is essential to find out the causes as well as the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers in reality.



It is my conviction that attitude of an individual towards his job is heavily dependent on numerous factors, with the two most influential being rate of pay and happiness in job itself. It appears that the former element is the main reason for people to work, thus affecting directly their rate of satisfaction of work. Apparently, people salary contributes to income of their family and that is vital for the livings of all members. For that reason, an individual will be pleasure when his earnings is sufficient for his family. Furthermore, the latter factor also plays a significant role to some extent. The reality is that many people are working for themselves, not only for their family. They treasure the dignity of work and are willing to devote their life for career. The so-called “ workaholic” reflects those who are addicted to work. In another word, they are fully satisified with their job.



As regard to the matter of expectation at work for all workers, it can not be denied that many people are unsatisfied with what they are paid for and the job itself. In reality, money, certainly, is not the only element that an individual anticipate. There are many other external principles affecting their satisfaction at work such as subordinate-superior relationship or promotion chances. For example, people will react in a positive manner to a helpful boss who share experience with them or give them useful recommendation. Accordingly, a person possibly get an interesting job or a boring job compared to what they have anticipated.



From all the things concerned above, I strongly hold the opinion that people nowadays are working in their pursuit of income rather than personal demand.


THANKS SO MUCH ^^



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ielts2u
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Joined: 18 Sep 2008
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 30, 2009 12:56 pm    Post subject: A 6.0

You should get a 6.0 for this.
Your strenghts are the vocabulary and structure.
Your weaknesses are the grammar and the clarity.
I hope this helps.
Regards,
Mike
ielts2u - an IELTS writing help site


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